Political Instability, the Plague, and the Doctor Providentiae

And in this he showed me a little thing, the quantity of a hazel nut, lying in the palm of my hand, as it seemed. And it was as round as any ball. I looked upon it with the eye of my understanding, and thought, ‘What may this be?’ And it was answered generally thus, ‘It is all that is made.’ I marveled how it might last, for I thought it might suddenly have fallen to nothing for littleness. And I was answered in my understanding: It lasts and ever shall, for God loves it. And so have all things their beginning by the love of God.

In this little thing I saw three properties. The first is that God made it. The second that God loves it. And the third, that God keeps it.

Each time I’ve watched First Reformed, directed by Paul Schrader, I’ve found myself enchanted by the paper weight on top of Reverend Toller’s desk. In early March of this year I made a simple google search for “First Reformed Paperweight,” and found my answer to what it represented; Brian Raven Ehrenpreis writes, at The Quietus, “we see on Toller’s Desk a paperweight with the printed image of a hand with a hazelnut lying in it’s palm, a reference to Christian mystic Julian of Norwich, a figure who — like Toller — also lived in dark times.” After reading about the life of Julian, a remarkable anchorite of the middle ages, I was immediately compelled to read her Revelations of Divine Love (Revelations is also the first known book written by a woman in English), and ordered a custom paperweight for my desk from Etsy after finding a similar image online.

Since the beginning of March our lives have changed tremendously, marked by both political instability and the plague. And throughout each month, like Reverend Toller, I’ve found myself contemplating the beauty and security of Julian’s hazelnut, of her divine insight that God is in control. Julians remarks in the Revelations that “all things have their beginning by the love of God.” As a missionary of Amadeo Church, a community of faith which seeks as its first principle to emulate the glorious love of God, I am profoundly moved by the image Julian paints of God’s providence. Again; God is in control. This winter as I move up to Pinetop I will continue to have the image against my desk, perpetually reminding me of the Church’s Doctor providentiae.